A Common Block to Potential
I used to live in fear. Fear that things would go wrong in my work and life. Fear goes hand-in-hand with controlling – wanting to control and orchestrate how things happened around me. This included both my actions and other’s actions. I didn’t realize I was living in constant fear that things wouldn’t go as I had planned.
Here are some of the narratives that would play in my head:
What if I make a mistake in my career or socially, and my reputation is ruined?
What if my kids do X (there are so many things that can go here!), and their lives are ruined?
What if this project I am planning fails, and I have wasted all this time?
Or here is a biggie – What if I do the thing I have always wanted to do and it is successful beyond my imagination? How will I be able to handle that?
Living in fear is like living in scarcity. It’s like saying to the universe – “Hey, I’m here, and I know things are going to go badly so just get it over with already.” Or “Hey, I’m here but not really ready for things to go well.”
Fear is different from preparation. Preparation is helpful when thinking about what can happen if things don’t go as planned and is an excellent tool. Preparation is not emotional and controlling.
Fear, on the other hand, kills human potential in all of those that it touches. It is like saying – here, live in this box because if you don’t, there are a ton of things outside the box that can hurt you. The walls of the box then block us metaphorically every day.
The opposite of fear is abundance. I have learned to recognize my fear and live in abundance. Living in abundance is letting go of control and believing that the best will come of my efforts if I know I am putting my energy towards something that is important to me. It takes constant practice. Here are things that have helped me:
Paying attention to the thoughts inside my head and what the message is. Is it expecting the worse? (stay tuned for next week’s blog for more on this).
Telling others about my thought process and how I want to think differently. Years ago, I started voicing to my kids that I noticed my fear. I would tell them “Here are my fears I have about all of that, but I don’t want my fears to limit you. I want you to make your own decision knowing what I have learned and I will be respectful of your choice.”
Really embracing mistakes and knowing they are okay and won’t ruin me. Recently I decided I wanted to coach people on a podcast. I did a handful of them before realizing that I wasn’t helping my clients have insights since the sessions were going to be public. Then I had to tell them that I wasn’t using them, and that I felt I wasted their time. I had one scheduled as soon as I made the decision and let them know I would still coach them, but it wouldn’t be used. When we were done, this client stated that it was amazing, and she wouldn’t have gotten as much insight knowing it was taped for others to hear. The point is: I tried. I failed. It didn’t ruin me, actually it crystalized how I could help others better.
Being uncomfortable and embracing the unknown. I grow when I try things while being uncomfortable. I learn and figure things out as I move through each step, even if things are unclear.
Lastly, abundance is believing there is a reason I am here and that my journey is to fulfill that mission. It is being fully ALIVE.