Stopping Negative Thoughts About Myself

There are many thoughts I have about myself that are not positive.  These pesky critters attack my character and tell me I am not good enough.   Here are just a few:

  • You can’t do that.  You are not smart enough.

  • That was a stupid thing to say.  You should have just kept quiet.

  • You’re too old to start something new.  What are you doing?

  • You don’t look good enough.  You need to change ______.

 

I have heard these thoughts be referred to in different ways by clients – the gremlins, the “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee”, etc.  They keep us from being what we are meant to be.  For me, they tell me all the things I am not instead of all the things that I am.  They restrict me from doing what is most meaningful in my life and being who I want to be. 

 

Here are some ways that I have learned to not let these Negative Nellies keep me down:

  • Recognition.  For a long time, I didn’t even know these negative thoughts were there.  They came and went so quickly and naturally that I never stopped to think about them.  Recognizing negative thoughts about yourself can be painful, but can also help you. 

 

  • What is the backstory? Understanding where these thoughts come from is important.  It generally stems from childhood or could be from a traumatic incident.  Journaling or talking through this with a professional may be helpful.

 

  • Acceptance.  Here is a counterintuitive one.  Once I started to recognize these thoughts, I tried to stop them. When I couldn’t, I would be down on myself for not being able to stop them (a double whammy!).  Now I accept that they are part of who I am, but I decide whether or not they serve me now.

 

  • Does this thought serve me now? Usually the answer to this is a no.  Generally, any thought that tells me I am not good enough is not helpful.  But occasionally, I feel there is something to learn from a thought.  For instance – “That was a stupid thing to say.  Did I offend him?” may have a lesson in it, and I ask myself whether there is a next action I need to take, such as asking the person if my comment bothered them. 

 

  • Handing it off.  I am a big visualization person.  After I have asked whether it is serving me or not, and learned from it (if need be), I hand it off.  For me, it is visualizing putting the thought in a river and letting it float away.  I hand it off to the past and let it leave my thoughts since it doesn’t serve me anymore.  What does your handing off look like?  A balloon in the air?  Placing it in a fire? Pick something that works for you.

 

Finally, I will leave you with one of my favorite stories - The Fight of Two Wolves Inside You.

 An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

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What I Gained from My Body-Mind Connection

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A Common Block to Potential