Stopping Negative Thoughts About Myself
There are many thoughts I have about myself that are not positive. These pesky critters attack my character and tell me I am not good enough. Here are just a few:
You can’t do that. You are not smart enough.
That was a stupid thing to say. You should have just kept quiet.
You’re too old to start something new. What are you doing?
You don’t look good enough. You need to change ______.
I have heard these thoughts be referred to in different ways by clients – the gremlins, the “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee”, etc. They keep us from being what we are meant to be. For me, they tell me all the things I am not instead of all the things that I am. They restrict me from doing what is most meaningful in my life and being who I want to be.
Here are some ways that I have learned to not let these Negative Nellies keep me down:
Recognition. For a long time, I didn’t even know these negative thoughts were there. They came and went so quickly and naturally that I never stopped to think about them. Recognizing negative thoughts about yourself can be painful, but can also help you.
What is the backstory? Understanding where these thoughts come from is important. It generally stems from childhood or could be from a traumatic incident. Journaling or talking through this with a professional may be helpful.
Acceptance. Here is a counterintuitive one. Once I started to recognize these thoughts, I tried to stop them. When I couldn’t, I would be down on myself for not being able to stop them (a double whammy!). Now I accept that they are part of who I am, but I decide whether or not they serve me now.
Does this thought serve me now? Usually the answer to this is a no. Generally, any thought that tells me I am not good enough is not helpful. But occasionally, I feel there is something to learn from a thought. For instance – “That was a stupid thing to say. Did I offend him?” may have a lesson in it, and I ask myself whether there is a next action I need to take, such as asking the person if my comment bothered them.
Handing it off. I am a big visualization person. After I have asked whether it is serving me or not, and learned from it (if need be), I hand it off. For me, it is visualizing putting the thought in a river and letting it float away. I hand it off to the past and let it leave my thoughts since it doesn’t serve me anymore. What does your handing off look like? A balloon in the air? Placing it in a fire? Pick something that works for you.
Finally, I will leave you with one of my favorite stories - The Fight of Two Wolves Inside You.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”