Living Inside Out - Listening to Yourself First
Years ago, when I was planning to leave my corporate job, I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. I decided to start by asking a few close business friends what they saw me doing.
This was good information, but none of the responses felt quite right. It wasn’t until I took the time to learn what I deeply wanted that I discovered what I wanted my next step to be. This has led me to a life in which I am fulfilled and living out my purpose.
This idea comes up many times when I am working with clients. It’s what I like to call, “living from the inside out”, rather than the outside in. Pressures from work, family, and society can interfere with us doing the things that are most meaningful or purposeful to us. This can cause stress, exhaustion, and medical issues.
Here is what I have learned to keep me on track:
Separating what I am good at, with what I want. Just because I am good at something doesn’t mean I enjoy it or find it fulfilling. I remind myself that people will come to me for things because I can do them. However, if I don’t find it energizing and fun, I politely say no.
Pressure from others and what they want from me. Many people expecting things from me can create stress. Work, family, or friends may have expectations. I pay attention to my level of anxiety. If my anxiety rises, I explore why this is and go back to number 1.
Pressure from what I think others want from me. This is one I have to constantly be aware of. Am I guessing what others want from me to make them happy, or am I making decisions to lessen other people’s pain? Now I understand that by doing this, I can cause both me and the person involved to not be happy. I am not letting them speak for themselves, and I am spending energy on something that may not actually exist but I have assumed the other person needs. Spending that energy on knowing what I want and speaking for myself is much more beneficial.
Beware of wanting affirmation. I used to expect others to affirm me – in other words, I did things so they could see how wonderful of a person I am. Because of this, I not only wasn’t doing things for me, but I was creating an expectation for others to fulfill something I hadn’t yet found in myself. Now I know that if I am working towards what I want in my life and being the person that I want to be, outside affirmation is not necessary.
Advice is information, not direction. Advice can be useful knowledge, but I remind myself that advice is based on the giver’s experience. My experiences are different, and I am forging my own path. I take what fits and leave the rest.
Living from the inside out is continuous work. Even though these are items I believe in and live by, I need to do a constant check to be sure I am implementing them. This is an active and conscious process but gets easier the more I utilize it.