Wondering what you can do now regarding race relations? Here’s a start.
I spent years developing and implementing programs that brought people together of different backgrounds to discuss race, diversity and inclusion.
As a white American, I had a desire to understand why things hadn’t changed and hoped that this information would provide me a roadmap for what I could personally do about it.
Based on hundreds of discussions about the topic in the community, here’s what I learned, and what you can personally do now.
What you are exposed to is what you believe to be true. Your upbringing and your experiences create your belief system. The best way to expand what you believe, is to identify with new information personally. It is the personal connection and understanding that widens our view when it comes to understanding others.
Start at the beginning. Offer to have a conversation with someone of a different race and start with these questions.
If you are open to it, could we have a conversation about race? If yes, continue.
Can you tell me about your upbringing and how race was talked about in your home when you were younger? Do you discuss it in your home today? Each of you share.
Talking in “I”, not “we”. These conversations go better when remembering to share your own experience by starting each sentence with “I”. When “we” is used, it moves the statement from personal to a group which can be dividing.
Remember the spirit of the conversation. The purpose is to gain understanding. I have found these conversations don’t take place because it can be uncomfortable, or people are afraid they might say the wrong thing. If something is said that you view negatively, get clarification with these questions:
Can you tell me more about that so I can understand it better?
When I hear you say that, I think ________. What are your thoughts after me sharing this with you?
Assume what is being said is true. There are so many mixed messages in the media. When having these personal conversations, we found it helpful to encourage participants to believe what each other was saying. One person can see something one way because of their experience and another can see it differently based on theirs. Because of this, it is all “true” and it doesn’t have to make one-person right and one person wrong.
Remembering we are all human. As humans, we don’t connect with all people the same. I have friends that when we first met, we didn’t have the same view on some subjects. As I got to know them, I found other areas for connection. Keep that in mind here.
Share with each other what you learned. Sharing any new information you learned eliminates the opportunity for assumptions about what each person is taking from the conversation and provides more insight.
The differences between race has been talked about for a long time, however I don’t believe we do enough discussion in this way. Not only does it help with understanding others in a new, more personal way, but it starts the opportunity for a deeper relationship and friendship. It changes how we view others, and what we say about them.
If you want to be part of the solution, you can be. It is a large problem and my experience in leading conversations about this difficult topic has changed how others view race, their actions toward it, and how we can go about making a difference – one person at a time.