Why I Quit My Executive Job After 25 Years (Without a Clear Next Plan)
I quit.
It was a really hard thing to do. The thought started about seven years ago and instead of pulling the trigger, I stayed with it and tried to make it work. There were so many things I loved about it – the mission, the people, the community. We were successful as a team, making profits and doing innovative work. And yet, deep down I knew I was supposed to be doing something else. But why?
Why would I want to leave when I had the perfect job? Something must be wrong with me, I told myself. So I read books on motivation, doubled down on my planning and goals and created new programs to fulfill me outside the normal scope of work. The success continued. People told me I was excellent at my job. I was used as an example of a strong woman. But still no. Something didn’t feel right. Instead I had a series of illnesses, caused in part due to other factors in my life that weren’t going well. A failing marriage, a sick child. This all became another reason to not leave my job. It was the only real stability I had, wasn’t it?
So I stayed. I developed a new mission. The mission: Find Out What is Wrong with Me.
This was a five-year journey. Individual therapy. Group therapy. Voracious reading on topics such as Finding your Calling, Understanding your Inner Thoughts, How to be Self Aware, How your past Unconsciously Affects your Future. I started meditating to relieve stress. I ran 20 miles a week. Things slowly got better and made more sense. Why? Because I discovered there is nothing wrong with me.
Instead, what I needed to change was how I perceived the world and my place in it. As I went through this discovery I was worried I would change. As my now husband refers to it – “It is still the same you in there, you are just clearing the clutter.”
As I cleared my clutter, I created more fulfillment in what I was doing. I became more satisfied and had clarity on what feels right for my existence. I started to feel the expansiveness of what I could offer instead of feeling small. I started to have ideas that didn’t fit in the confines of my job and want to see these come to fruition. AND I want to help others feel the way I feel now.
