What Wanting to Fix Others Tells Me About Myself

This week, I had an important realization about myself.  I started to look at my loved ones around me and was focusing on what they could change about themselves that I thought would be beneficial for them.  Luckily, I caught myself and this thought pattern before I said anything! 

Once I recognized it, I had to dig deeper to find out where it was coming from.  Anytime I am focused more on other’s issues than my own, I know that this is a red flag to pay attention to – why?  Because the more I am focused on them, the less I am focused on myself.  So I will spend my energy and attention on them and their issues (that they have not asked for, mind you) rather than looking at my own.  

What are some possible areas I am avoiding paying attention to in my own life?

I have found that when I am trying to control others, it is so that I can control something in my own life that generally has nothing to do with them.  My inner self argues with this – No, it is because I love them!  I need to make their life better and help them from making mistakes! I need to save them pain!  

This is when I look in the mirror and determine what these thoughts can do for me instead of them.  What pain am I trying to save myself from?  Once I did this, I did determine something that I needed to attend to in my own life that I had been avoiding.  Ironically, once this was discovered, I stopped worrying so much about others and just enjoyed my time with them.  

Further irony - if I am not concentrating on other’s issues, then I am creating space for them to come to me with a problem on their own that they want to discuss when they are ready.  This space is so important for growth…on both our ends.  

When this happens, I remind myself to ask questions regarding their own learning and remove my desires for them in the situation - unless they specifically want suggestions.  My relationships are stronger this way and I am cultivating what really counts.