Two Things the Erode Confidence - And What to Do About Them
Oh, having confidence. This is a main topic of many of my coaching conversations and one that I think of regarding myself. There are two significant areas in which I see confidence hindered.
1. Assuming other’s expectations or opinions of me. There are times when I find myself guessing what other’s expectations or opinions of me are. These thoughts can be about whether I am bringing enough to the situation or whether I am representing myself in the best way.
Sometimes, these thoughts can keep bouncing in my head, which snap my energy and steal my joy. No good. Time to do some clarifying questions.
What evidence do I have that this is real? In what ways am I showing up as myself, to the best of my ability, in this situation? How are my intentions in this situation aligned with the person I want to be?
Once I do this clarifying, it often helps to remind myself that who I am is enough. Occasionally, thoughts still linger and, if they do, I move to the next step.
Prove it. Is there a way I can ask someone else to see if my assumptions are true?
I am seeing this a lot lately with clients wondering what their bosses thoughts about them are. Because of COVID, job expectations have not been re-outlined, leaving them unsure and feeling as if they are not doing good work. How can this be proved? Ask for a meeting to outline expectations and get feedback.
In other cases, if I am wondering how I came across in a situation, I occasionally will ask someone that I trust. Can you provide me feedback on how I represented myself? The feedback is data to know whether my assumptions about myself are real.
2. Comparisons. There are so many times I compare myself to others and think I am lacking.
This happened recently when I turned down a committee position to leave time to work on other projects. Later, I noticed another person doing so much more volunteer work than myself. I started to wonder why I said no and felt as if I wasn’t doing enough.
Time to revisit my goals and intentions for myself. What have I set out as my priorities? Reminding myself where I determined to best spend my gifts will put me back in alignment with my purpose. This is where I will focus on what is important to me, and truly shine.
And, finally, I remind myself that anytime I am either comparing myself to others or assuming expectations or opinions, I am not living in the present moment. I may be missing what opportunities I have now to be my best self and move forward creating new moments in which I show up in the world - just as I am.