Can’t Make A Decision? This One Word Will Help.

If I am having trouble making a decision there is one word I tune into.

That word is “should.” Here is how my thinking might go - Well, I should do this…

When the word “should” is used, it often makes it difficult for me to make a decision on something. It is a red flag.

Anytime you are thinking you “should” do something, it is a warning that you are talking yourself into it. It is a warning that you may be making that decision for the wrong reason.

“Should” indicates that this is something you don’t necessarily want to do, but you will feel guilty or shameful not doing it. Maybe you’ve even heard the phrase, “Don’t ‘should’ all over yourself.” When you are operating because you think you should, you are getting yourself off course from what is deeply imbedded inside you or what you truly want for yourself.

There are two reasons I see the word “should” come up in people. Both situations erode confidence and create unhappiness.

Comparing ourselves to others. It can be very easy to look at others and think that because they are doing something, it would be good for you, too. Particularly now with social media, it can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing and thinking that others are better than you, know more than you, or that you need to be doing things the way they are. Often, because we see someone doing something a certain way, we think we should, too.

Ask yourself this clarifying question: Is this right for me?

Doing what you think others expect of you. Sometimes people are very clear about what they want from us, like when we get asked to do something. But, just because someone asks us to do something, doesn’t mean we should do it. I see very often where someone says yes to something because they think they should, only to later regret it.

Clarifying questions: Is this what I want? Am I excited for this opportunity?

Sometimes, we assume what a person wants from us, therefore we think we should do it. When this happens, we are guessing and operating based only on an idea that may not be reality at all. We can find ourselves making decisions and doing things, not only based on what we think others want us to do, but based on something that could be completely inaccurate, as well. Specifically asking about and discussing our assumptions can be helpful.

Clarifying questions: Has this person told me directly that this is what they want from me?

Agreeing to something because we think we should comes from our ego. It is telling you what you should do in order to appear or act a certain way. This takes us away from our purpose and can make us stuck. This is the part that wants to save us from some sort of pain. This is the part that wants to make us look good to others so we don’t feel stupid or have shame. This is the part that wants us to not feel badly by not going along with what another person wants us to do because we don’t want to disappoint them.

I need to say this also - there are some “shoulds” we need to do for a variety of reasons, even though it is a “should.” A task at work could be one of them. You may not want to do it but know you should because that is part of your job, and you want a paycheck. You may be tired and not want to go to your child’s soccer game one night after work but know that you should be there for them. These are examples of good “shoulds.”

Knowing why you are doing an activity or making a decision is important. You may decide to do it anyway, but recognizing what “shoulds” you have, and your reason for doing them, can help you spend more time on the things that align with your gifts ultimately making you more happy, more fulfilled and living out your purpose.