Quick Ways to Decipher What Your Feelings Are Really Telling You (and what to do with it)

Oh, feelings!  We hear a lot about them, but do we really examine them? I’m finding this topic coming up often this month, mostly due to the holiday season.  

I know I didn’t used to recognize my feelings.  Not only that, but I would bury them and pretend they weren’t there.  That has changed.

Feelings can sometimes get a bad rap. Based on what we believe about feelings, we may ignore what they are telling us. Here are some beliefs about feelings that I have had.

• Feelings are a sign of weakness.
• If you have feelings, you are too sensitive.
• Showing feelings in business makes you be seen as weak and, therefore, incapable.

I use my feelings now as an indicator of what I care about, but sometimes if I don’t identify them fully, they could stop me from moving forward, or just get in my way.

Here’s how I use my feelings to help me:

Identify what’s there. I answer the question – What am I feeling? Some of the words that tend to come up for me are stressed, excited, overwhelmed, yucky, off, energetic or tired. These first thoughts help with the next step.

Identify the basic feelings. There are eight basic feeling words. They are: hurt, lonely, sad, anger, fear, shame, guilt, and glad. Using just these words, helps me better get to the root of where I am emotionally.

For instance, I would describe my being overwhelmed as:

• Happy that I have work coming in.
• Guilty it will take time away from family.
• Fearful that I may not enjoy the holidays.

And what are my beliefs about that? Behind every feeling is a belief. Next, I identify my underlying beliefs that relate to these feelings in this situation. Often, these beliefs come from Head Thinking, thoughts and ideas that get muddled and cluttered from outside, or inside, influences. For instance, I believe I’m not going to be a good mother, wife, or friend if I’m spending too much time on work. I believe my work will suffer if I cannot spend more time on it. I believe that if I do not slow down and enjoy the holidays I may regret it.

Do a priority check and adjust. Next, I check my beliefs against my priorities. My priorities come from my Knowing Center, that place of personal truth deep inside of me. What is important to me at this point in time? Are there any adjustments that need to be made?

Here I determine that, yes, my work schedule is heavy but that makes me happy. I decide on a few things I will be intentional about to be sure I spend time with family. If I consciously make these decisions now based on my priorities, I can remind myself later of my decisions which will ward off regret.

My feelings show me what is important to me. Recognizing them and adjusting in these ways helps bring clarity and lets me cultivate what counts.