A Healthy Lesson From Reality TV

I have a confession to make.  I love reality dating shows.  There is something fascinating to me regarding human nature, relationships and psychology that consistently shows itself in these episodes.  

Recently, while watching the Bachelorette, the contestants, while looking for love, were talking about how they often gravitate toward relationships in which the characteristics of their partner are familiar to them, even though that mindset didn’t work out in the past and, in some cases, was toxic.  Still, even with this realization (a huge first step!) the comfortability is what drew them in.  

It got me thinking – in what ways in my life do I gravitate toward what is familiar and comfortable, even though it doesn’t serve me anymore?

I carefully went through each area of my life – work, health, relationships, fun – and found quite a few things I wanted to adjust.  Some things I wanted to completely change. 

Here are the next steps I took toward change: 

• Write out why I felt a lure toward this comfortable environment or situation.  What is the backstory there? 
• What signs do I see in myself or the situation that helps me to understand when I am falling back into the comfortable, unwanted pattern?  Listing out these items can help clarify what to pay attention to as you move forward. 
• Confirming – if this is something I want or something I think I should do. Remembering that “should” is a red flag and means I am just trying to talk myself into something or out of guilt.  It may not really be a good fit for me. (See blog here)
• Next, I pictured how I want the situation to be. What does the end result look like if it were serving me and what I want? 
• Lastly, I brainstormed new ways to incorporate changes and created a plan.   

Whether it is an area of your life you want to pivot in or just habits you want to change, finding what you gravitate toward just because it is familiar and comfortable is worth an inspection.  Being uncomfortable is an invitation for growth.  An additional bonus for me is that I don’t need to do it on a reality TV show!

This is you. Illuminated.